Month: April 2017

Journal in the Woods

1-16-16

Hi, my name is Vicki and my son, Nico used to spend time out here, I think. On Sunday 1/10/16, he hung himself from this tree. He was 21.

I came here after they found him, (his body was not here) and thought this place was beautiful, amazing.

Then I came a few days later, and it was all torn down. I know they did it to prevent people from getting hurt or copying my son’s tragic behavior. But when I saw everything removed, limbs cut off the tree, it almost felt like his grave was desecrated.

It was a peaceful place, now it feels torn apart. I’m so sorry they did this.

I was wondering who built this? I see from your message written in twigs (very creative!) that you are not happy either.

Did my son build this? Did you guys? I would love to know. It would bring me peace.

I am going to clean this place up, make it a nice place again. Talk to me. You can write about anything.

1-17-16

Dear Vicki.

My name is T. I am so sorry for your loss. I hike the woods and bike ride them all the time and pass here. I will pray for you, your son, and family. I came here today to pray for him.

Deepest sympathy,

T

1-17-16

Thank you, T. I found your words very comforting.

1-17-16

Nico,

I hope you found the peace you were looking for.

I know your in a good place and I will never forget you. I will visit here and help your mom in times of need.

Your Friend,

P

1-19-16

Hello, I found this in the cold.

Thank You! Vicki

1-20-16

Dear Nico,

The sadness is starting to settle over me, like a dense fog creeping in.

I like coming here. It gives me peace.

I’m not sure how I should be grieving. Somehow I think I’m doing it wrong.

I see signs and hear you telling me things & cracking wise all the time. The tree is crying. Water drips on the pages from above, although there has been no snow or rain. I remember our good times together and they make me smile & give me comfort. I try to look for you now…in the sky…. anywhere, really, instead of dwelling on the loss and missing your hugs.

Love you,

Mom

1-21-16

Dear Vicki,

My name is M. I built this tree house many years ago as a place where I can come to read books shielded in the shades of the leaves. Every time kids littered it I’d come and clean it. My family lives on **, but I’ve been living in Queens for the past year. I came often because I can’t stand the city & that’s why I love nature. My ultimate goal was to plant many flowers & shrubs even or anything long before this tragedy. I plant hundreds of vegetables, flowers & trees every summer so I would be happy to help you make this a garden around the tree.

I want you to know what an impact your son’s death had on me knowing I built this for good. I am so sorry that you are going through this. I think with my help we can make this a happy tree again.

I will do this for free with your help when spring comes. If you want to text meet, text me at   Again, my mother abandoned me so I find this sadly ironic.

You are right the tree is crying on me as I write this.

I will keep you in my prayers & we can make this a happy place again.

My condolences.

When I lost someone I got great comfort from Angels.com

Thank you M. It may help to know my son may have used this as a respite. He loved the woods and to be alone. It’s funny, but right after he died I came here seeking a sign, or his energy. The first thing that came into my mind was that the tree was sad. It did not want to play a part in my son’s death.

I do plan on at least putting a few containers around the tree with flowers. Not sure we can plant around the tree-too many roots. In the spring I will contact you & we can figure it out.

I’m sorry about your mom not being in your life. Here’s some irony for you…my son’s father stopped seeing him when he was 2. No phone calls, nothing. My son never knew him.

My son struggled throughout his life. He had high functioning autism (“Asperger’s”) and was extremely bright (132 IQ – yes, I’m bragging!) but socially withdrawn. He was very uncomfortable around people except the ones he lived with. He struggled with depression most of his life and felt hopeless and powerless about the future. And that is why he took his own life.

Thank you for your prayers. I’m very grateful.

I like James Van Praagh as well, I’ve read a few of his books. Thank you for trying to heal this space. I think we can…

I’m very sorry for the loss of your Alison. Was that your daughter? So very sorry. I will pray for you, too. (And thank you so much for the book, it is very much appreciated.)

I took some pictures before they tore everything down. They are in the photo album, along with a picture of Nico.

Hello Nico and Vicki.

I am sorry for your loss. This tree was too a special place for me. I am not the original builder of the treehouse but, the newer platforms and safety nets were put up by me sometime in January. I would come here often looking for peace and I always found it. It broke my heart when I saw that the tree had been de-limbed and all but the top platforms were removed. Hence my vulgar language written in sticks. Although the reason behind this deconstruction is filled with sorrow, I will continue to bring materials to this tree to ensure this area stays happy.

-G

2-18-16

Hi G,

Thanks for writing. I have plans to fix the area up, I’m glad you do too.

I think they may have cut more down – or maybe just moved things around. Glad I took pictures before it all got ruined.

It is a peaceful place. I look forward to coming here.

Vicki

2-18-16

Dear Vicki,

My friend and I happened to stumble upon this beautiful yet tragic spot today. Words can’t describe how sorry we are for your loss. We too have both been through tragedies as well, losing our moms at a young age. We’ve both found walks out in the nature to be very cathartic, to help us block out those sad feelings we have. We are very glad that you have this peaceful place to remember your son, and we’re very happy to share it with you. Once the weather is nicer we will both try to help to make this place even nicer than it already is. Be well and think positive.

 

Sincerely,

J& G

Thank you <3 Vicki

PS I’m praying for you both, too.

Dear Vicki,

My friend and I recently came across this tree with my friend. We’ve taken time to read some of the notes left in this book and wanted to say we are very sorry for your loss and will be praying for you and your family.

Hope all is going well,

J and A

Thank you so much. This journal was a crazy idea but it has brought me much healing and comfort.

<3 Vicki

2-20-16

Hi Vicky,

I’m sorry to read about Nico. I understand your pain as it must be the worst pain in the world. Nico now will live in me and everyone who will remember him. I love you and your son, even though I don’t know you.

G

Thank you, G. I am doing okay. I deeply appreciate comments from all – it’s been a wonderful comfort.

<3 Vicki

2-21-16

Dear Vicki,

There is so much beauty in what you have done here. I am about the same age as your son, and have struggled with depression my entire life.

I attempted to take my own life several weeks ago, and I’ve returned home to Long Island to remember where I came from, where I used to explore as a child amid the simple things that make us remember that life is beautiful.

My exploring brought me to this place, this sacred place that has been given to you and your son so that you may always be together. Know that he loved you and that he knew how much you loved him.

A loved one who knows of my struggles brought me to this park today. He knew it would be good for me to take in fresh air and nature, to do photography and to meditate.

Thank you for building this space. It sounds like you have great plans for the springtime and as the seasons change, know that life moves forward even after the most devastating of tragedies. I feel safe and at peace here, and any bit of comfort helps me fight through my depression. You’ve done a wonderful thing for anyone who passes this spot and takes a moment to stop and reflect.

I am another loving mother’s child, and even in my darkest moments, I know my mother is there, always caring, worrying, supporting me. Your grief speaks to me, as I’m sure my mother would grieve terribly, but also create something beautiful out of the pain.

My thoughts and prayers are with you, Nico, and everyone who cared for him.

And thank you, Vicki, for telling your story. Sometimes we just need someone to hear our words and it reminds us we are never alone.

With love,

L.

2-27-16

Dear L,

Your words touched me deeply and brought me great comfort. You are wise beyond your years.

I have also struggled with depression, so I understand your pain. You are very brave and I can tell you have a beautiful soul.

I hope you find the strength to stick around, because we need more beautiful souls like you on earth.

The response to my journal has been incredibly healing, even magical, I’d say. People have been so kind and said such amazing things. It’s been wonderful to see how many people are attracted to this spot for peace and solitude.

It is still a beautiful place, despite the tragedy.

I do believe my son chose this place because it was peaceful & comforting.

I don’t know if the parks department will rip out what I put in, but I’m going to try to put a bench, large container of flowers, a bird feeder & bird waterer. The idea is to heal the space and make it a peaceful, reflective place. I know my son would have loved that.

L, if you want to reach out my email is **.

God bless you and I wish you every happiness, my dear <3 Vicki

P.S. You write so beautifully with such expression & emotion. Truly a beautiful soul.

2-22-16

Vicky,

Thinking of you, came here today to pray for you & Nico.

T

Thank you T, your words are appreciated and I think of you and your kindness often.

<3 Vicki

3/1/16

Dear Vicki,

Thank you for your reply. It brought me great joy.

Something brought me back here today, and this spot brought me strength.

I haven’t climbed a tree since I was maybe 10, but I climbed up to where those planks of wood make a sort of chair. The view is lovely.

Sending strength your way. It always finds you when you need it.

<3 L.

I’m glad, L! Be well. <3 Vicki

3/5/16

Dear Vicki,

This was our first time at the tree. We never saw it as your son and so many others did, but reading through the notes we could tell how it was loved by so many. We hope it continues to be a place of peace it has already become. I did not know your Nico, but I did know C. C was a teenager when he decided to leave this world too soon at his own hands. We miss him everyday, but this place allowed me to remember him without as much pain. I hope others will find the same. When thinking what to write a Swedish proverb kept coming to mind:

Shared joy is a double joy,

Shared sorrow is half a sorrow.

With Love, A and E

3/5/16

Dear A and E,

Thank you for writing. I love the proverb…it is very fitting and comforting.

By sharing my story (and Nico’s) here, I’ve found a great deal of healing and meaning. I can’t wait to plant and make this place truly a peaceful respite.

I will pray for you both and for C. I’m so sorry for your loss.

Love,

Vicki

3/6/16

Vicki…

I am so sad as I can’t even begin to imagine what you have gone through and the challenges you continue to face. I am so proud of how you’re working through this and using positive energy and action to promote peace, healing and goodness. I spend a lot of time at this park and have noticed this place in the past. Yesterday is the first time I read your story, looked at your pictures, and felt something…at first I was a bit uncomfortable and sad, and then a peacefulness washed over me. I shared your story with some friends who were truly moved. We are all curious when this happened… and how old was Nico? I will continue to visit, as his memory continues to move me and others.

Peace, S.

 

Dear S,

Thank you so much for writing! My son was 21 and he passed away 1/10/16. I am very happy I put the journal here. I’m glad I can share my story – it is very healing. This is a peaceful place. I think that is why my son came here. It will be a beautiful, peaceful and reflective place, well, even more so than it is now, after I fix it up a little. Thank you for writing

<3 Vicki

3/6

I saw no birds today. (no name)

Moved the feeder higher, let’s see if that works better. Vicki

3/8/16

Hello,

My name is M. I have stopped here before but didn’t know the significance of the tree.

I gather It’s been a tough go for you as it is for many.

I mean no disrespect in saying life is good and bad for all. Things will never get better due to the people that run this country. You must become one of them to succeed or be buried in the pile.

I don’t know how to be a piece of shit, but I will learn how to become one or I will be buried as well.

Be strong.

Thank you, M.

Vicki

3/9/16

Dear Vicki,

I stumbled upon the site today. The birds are here and as Spring approaches new life will as well. This is a beautiful thing you are doing to honor his memory. Much love to you and yours.

T.

Thanks, T. I want to heal the space and make it about life and happiness not sadness and death.

<3 Vicki

 

3/13/16

Dear Vicki,

So sorry for your loss. As a kid I had a little place like this to hide away. Thank you for making this nice little oasis. My sons and I thought is was really nice to visit.

B.

Thank you, B. It’s coming together nicely. I’m glad you found it a nice place to sit and enjoy the beauty of nature.

<3 Vicki

3/20/16

Hi Vicki,

It’s S again. Thanks for writing back. I love the bench and the flowers. I feel the peace & rawness when I sit here… so do my two dogs. It feels to me like the perfect place to contemplate, feel, and recharge. I hope it does the same for you.

<3 S.

Hi S,

I’m glad you like it here. Me too. I find great comfort here. Thank you for writing. <3 Vicki

P.S. My son loved dogs 🙂

Vicki,

My friend E. and I stumbled upon this spot while traveling this path. My heart stopped while reading the first page. I will never have the words to console and I know I can not truly relate, but I hope you know you are never alone. Though I have never met you, and I never will, this spot and this book makes me feel a deep connection to you, your son, and all who have ever stepped here. Everywhere I go and all I do, you and your son will be part of me always, stay strong and keep living. Your son lives on forever in this place and the hearts of those who have been here.

K.O & J.C.

3/21/16

Dear K.O. & J. C.

Thank you so much for writing. It’s strange, but I feel a connection to those who write in this book, too. It really comforts me and helps me to accept Nico’s death.

I feel there is much healing going on here. Perhaps there is an energy that draws people here. I feel that energy is becoming more positive and stronger. As if healing the sorrow here makes the place even more beautiful.

<3 Vicki

3/23/16

Dear Nico,

As I heal this space, I also heal. It will be a place of peace and beauty to honor you, my loving son…

<3 Mom

P.S. It needs a name…Maybe “Treehaven?”

3/27/16

It’s Easter, a time of rebirth and healing. Newness abounds and yet there is such a familiarity here… a peacefulness. It’s Nico, I feel him. There is a goodness, and innocence, & yet great wisdom that resonates here. Treehaven is perfect! 🙂

<3 S.

P.S. The minute I come here, my dogs immediately lay down…they feel the peace. <3

Beautiful! Thank you for the love! Vicki

(No name or date)

“Energy love cannot be destroyed, only manipulated”

Tap into it

Whatever energy you want

Fill yourself of yourself and let the universe fill you.

Reattach while not

being attached

To the end

Result

800-6225

Easter day.

So inspiring… I feel my son close by in spirit often. Thank you

<3 Vicki

Easter Sunday

Dear Vicki,

Hey, it’s M! I just saw the notebook for the first time since I last wrote in it. My brother did tell me that you wrote back. My family still lives here but I stay in Queens, so I do come often in the warmer months. The irony of all this is that we built this on Easter Sunday 2010 and there was 4 of us (my cousins). So it’s been here for 6 years to the day. I’m an agriculturist and so is my grandma; we build huge vegetable gardens every year so we already planned on planting (shade plants for the spring). I like what you’ve done, I will add nice things to make it just like you’ve added. I literally live a stones throw away from here. Whenever I come always pick up litter. My cousin come here to pray often. Hopeful, we will run into each other one day.

I look forward to getting to work; the roots won’t be a problem.

I love the pictures and would love a set. Also, Nico was a handsome young man, I wouldn’t think anything is wrong. His soul will also shine through this place once the leaves grow in. I hope to get to meet you one day.

Until next time, Peace, Love and Happiness!

P.S. I love the mulch around the tree! I promise I’ll light this place up this spring.

ONE LOVE!

3/27/16

Thank you for writing, M. I will probably plant some flowers too. My friends visited and planted the lavender by the bench and the bellflowers by the white birch.

This journal has been a beautiful, healing, amazing experience! Nico would think it was cool.

Thank you for all you’ve done and offered to do, I appreciate it.

I read the book, it was awesome. I’m seeing a medium in July with my friends who lost their 18-year-old son to cancer. He was a childhood friend of Nico’s. I’m sure he was there when Nico crossed over to help him make the adjustment.

I will print another set of pictures for you. So glad I took them before it all got torn down.

I’m going to put down a little more mulch and put up the bird waterer. The birds love the feeder.

I’m glad you wrote, M. You were the one who gave me the idea to make this place beautiful and peaceful again. Thank you. Peace to you.

<3 Vicki

(No Name or date)

I never knew Nico, however I feel like we could have been friends. Though I do not believe in an afterlife, or any such omnipotent being, but I do believe that this is a tranquil place. A place of love. I saw 2 sparrows and 1 cardinal at the feeder.

Now I feel terrible, I just scared a little girl 🙁

3/30/16

Thank you for writing. I’m sure you and Nico could have been great friends. He would like anyone who appreciated this place. It is tranquil, and  I’m glad you sense the love and beauty here too.

P.S. I’m sure the little girl is fine. 🙂

<3 Vicki

3/30/16

Hello Vicki,

I haven’t been here in months and was surprised to see this old tree house looking so beautiful. I am deeply sorry for your loss. This has always been a special place for many people and I know everyone will take care of your bench, flowers and everything else. We will come back and plant some flowers. Spring is a time of new beginnings. I hope you will find comfort here.

Much love,

E, M, & J

4/1/16

Thank you so much, It’s a beautiful, peaceful place and will always remain so.

<3 Vicki

4/10/16

Hi Vikki,

It’s funny, I used to walk this way once in a while and now I find myself drawn here every time I come to the park. I wasn’t going to stop here today & yet… here I am. The birds, love, love, love, the bird feeder. There were several black capped chick-a-dees! The last two times I came here it was pouring so I didn’t write. Today is full of sunshine and actually feels like spring. I hope you continue to come here and heal here. It truly is a magical place!

<3 S.

It is! <3 Vicki

4/10/16

Vicki,

Everything is the way it is because otherwise nothing could be at all. I will carry the memory of this place and Nico with me.

Live in Love,

A.

You too, A.<3

4/14/16

I guess I’m just a visitor but I too have lost a loved friend and I can only imagine the feeling the loved ones feel. I hope you find peace.

Where I don’t know the cause…I know the effect…for whatever reason we can’t explain…but we can only hope…to take the basic value and try to use it to benefit to our every way with what Nico wanted in life…

We are all here for a purpose.

Yes. We are.  <3 Vicki

4/17/16

This is a beautiful & peaceful area, you can feel the happiness & serenity here. My deepest condolences but the beauty of life is to be able to feel; sorrow, joy, pain, excitement. Thank you for this beautiful read and a peaceful bench. Much love,

1. & B.

It is bittersweet to be here, but mostly serene and healing. Thank you for writing.

<3 Vicki

 

 

4/17/16

Dear Nico, Vicki and whoever else reads this,

I never even knew this place was here. We found this place on a run through the trails and found a bench in time and this lovely book. We never knew Nico but based on these messages he seems like a lovely, caring and wonderful man. Our condolences to Vicki and to everyone else who has felt his loss. May Nico rest in peace.

-T, L, S, and B.

Thank you. My son was, is… a beautiful soul <3 Vicki

4/17/16

Hi Nico, and his friends, & family,

This spot is full of peaceful and light energy. Your souls have made this spot on God’s green earth full of hope and peaceful energy.

God be with you.

Blessed be our Father.

-N. M. G.

I’m glad you feel the positive energy. It’s so important to make this a place of peace, reflection and healing. Thank you for your kind words.

<3 Vicki

(No Name or date)

Nico,

RIP from some strangers.

4/20/16

Dear Vicki,

Came across this beautiful spot when my friend Will and I were walking through. We used to hang in this park all the time as teenagers just around the corner from this very spot. I am very sorry for the loss of your son Nico. I will keep you and him in my prayers. We left a cross for him & hung it in the tree. My deepest sympathy to you and your family. May you rest in peace, Nico.

<3 C. and W.

 

4/26/16

Dear Vicki and Nico,

Meeting you and being brought to this place was no accident. I too, suffer from depression and not many people understand what I go through or see me as having a physical ailment. I never knew Nico, but we had more in common than most other people who claim to be the best of friends do. We are closeted, and we hold things inside, but we also know how to escape the harshness of reality. Some people call us nerds. Some people call us geeks. Some people –heck- most people don’t understand us. The truth is, us “nerds” understand each other. I met Vicki simply looking to build upon a passion of mine. A passion I shared with Nico. A passion that really allowed us to be ourselves. Without knowing him, I can only picture Nico as being a creative & inspiring soul who I would have loved to have met in life. Despite the tragedy, this place was another “Fortress of Solitude”for him. A place where he could be himself without worry. I feel something here, something magical. And it will always be here. Nico- I may not have known you, but I am your friend. And Vicki-I am glad to have met you. It was truly an action done by your son. Much love and prayer

-T.T.

Dear T,

Thank you so much for your beautiful words. I agree it was no accident we met and that Nico orchestrated it. He wanted to find the right home for his most treasured possessions.

It almost seems like you and L. are channeling my son, as if he is communicating through you. Most extraordinary. And his struggles seem to resonate with so many. Depression is tough and very misunderstood. My son, like you, kept his deepest feelings hidden, most of the time. I was the closest to him and he was still able to hide his pain so well. I did not see his suicide coming.

This journal has brought me more healing and happiness than any drug or therapy. I think that it is because we are all healing together, through this journal.

<3 Vicki