A Strange Kind of Freedom…

When you have survived the worst thing that could happen in your life, (and for me, that was my son’s suicide) there is a kind of freedom about the other problems in your life. I just don’t worry about things the way I used to. I’m not saying I don’t care, but when I find myself getting stressed about money, a relationship, family stuff, etc. it’s much easier to let it go now.  As the famous saying goes, what will be, will be.

It’s a sad kind of freedom, because everything else seems almost trivial in comparison to losing my son. But at the same time, there is empowerment. I think to myself, “I’m getting through the worst thing that has ever happened in my life…this is nothing compared to that. It will work out.” I don’t waste time with “what-ifs” or ruminate on things the way I used to.

Another unexpected outcome from my son’s suicide is that I have a new reverence for life. I see the beauty in simple things and treasure the love of my wonderful friends and family. Even a smile from a stranger or a tail-waging dog can make me feel great.

I’ve also learned to be grateful for all the things in my life that are good, and there are a lot of them. Having a sense of gratitude is so important and my son’s passing just made that so much more clear. I know some people feel that I could never be happy again but that is not true. I will always have a sense of loss, but not necessarily sadness all the time. Being grateful every day is a great weapon against sadness.

Writing this post reminded me of an article I read about Sheryl Sandberg, the second-in-command at Facebook, who wrote a book about the grief process after suddenly losing her husband.

This one is next on my reading list!

One of the things Sandberg says is that your life doesn’t have to be wall-to-wall sadness after a tragic loss. You can have happy days, find love and live a good life. Of course there are also bad days, crying and questions that will never be answered. Welcome to the grief process. It’s like that. You don’t “get over it,” it just evolves, hopefully into something less painful.

In conclusion, I guess what I’m trying to say is that part of the recovery process for me was to realize that, yes, this loss changed my life for the worse… but also, unexpectedly, for the better in some very important ways.

I encourage you to post comments about your grief process. Did some things change for the better after your loss? If you’d rather contact me privately email me: v620@optonline.net