How many times have you heard it? You know, “Get over it,” “Let it go,” “Forgive,” …and then beat yourself up because you couldn’t do it.
In my spiritual development and bereavement process I’ve delved deeply into the concept of letting go. I’ve struggled with this in my relationships as well as with my losses of loved ones. “Forgiveness,” “letting go”, “get over it”, etc. are all poorly defined terms, yet we attach so much importance to them. No wonder we are confused and broken, feeling “less than” because we can’t seem to accomplish this seemingly simple task. What could be easier than letting go? Just stop, release, drop it.
Yeah, right. Don’t drink the spiritual Kool-Aid.
Literally, “let go” means to drop it, take it out of your life. “I was let go from my job,” “He let go, and fell to his death.” There is a finality implied to letting go, once you do it you are magically free of whatever held you back…forever.
But we often can’t let go completely. Why? Because it’s just not that simple.
What we can do, is try to reduce the event’s impact on our lives. We can examine the emotions cemented to the event, which may include past hurts, and try to neutralize the volatility of the event. It’s these emotions attached to the event that are the anchor that keeps us from letting go.
So we do what we can as humans to move past difficult events in our lives. I define “letting go,” as not being in a constant state of pain and longing because of a difficult loss. Because that would cause you to miss the beauty of the moments unfolding before you, and that, is what spirituality is all about…staying open despite the pain, speaking and actively loving those who’ve passed, and not letting anger, sadness, or bitterness color and control your life to the point that it defines it.
So don’t believe the hype…the myth of letting go. It’s not a simple thing at all, and it has to come from within; through introspection, self-love and hard work. From being honest with yourself, owning your emotions and not blaming things on outside forces.
For me, letting go meant resisting the urge to push away strong feelings and instead, giving myself permission to grieve and feel the full spectrum of my emotions.
It’s ironic, but to release those difficult emotions, you have to embrace them first. Not easy.
Maybe, that is what we are here for, to bridge the human and the divine, to learn how to let go and allow our volition to decide our path, not our history or our emotions.